13 years of winning versus NF

I was having double vision. Went to neurologist and neuro-ophthalmologist. EMG (electromyogram) test said something is wrong with my nerves. What is it? Undefined. Then MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) of the brain it is! There were 3 big white spots on my MRI plates. Brain tumors. I have brain tumors. I didn’t feel sad, or maybe a bit sad at first; though I really can’t remember feeling sad that time. In fact, when I got home, I was running around our compound raising and telling everyone that I have brain tumors like I was on a show and tell. I was definitely happy about it, buy why should I feel sad when I don’t feel sad. In fact, I was amazed because not everyone has brain tumors. Maybe I’m really weird. Haha. And now I know the answer: FAITH. I from from the start that everything has a reason, I didn’t know what that reason is, I have no idea what is it, but I know that there is.¬

After 2 or 3 visits to the neurosurgeon’s clinic, I was diagnosed with NEUROFIBROMATOSIS TYPE 2 (NF2) on October 15, 2004.

All along, I thought it was August 2004 but then again I saw that my first MRI was done was on September 29, 2004 (link the fb album) and I was able to figure it out, thanks to my blog, an online journal & my memory.

I was diagnosed a day before our simple DBS Batch 2000 get-together at Dencio’s Grill in Megamall. I can recall telling them that I have neuro something something – a long & tongue twisting word “basta may brain tumors ako” – I can recall cheerfully saying those words. Haha.

That was also the day (err, night) that we (Lea, Pau & I) became friends with Madie again. That was one of my significant “everything has a reason” in life.

Madie organized and gathered some of our batch mates and found a way to raised funds for me at Don Bosco Technical College Alumni Homecoming & Jig concert in 2005 in Jig 2006 as well and so on.

Later on, we found out that I have the type 1 (NF1) as well and all my diagnosis (or misdiagnosis) in the past were ann symptoms of NF1.

“You don’t look sick.”
“Maybe you are sad about it and you are just hiding it.”
“You must be in a lot of pain.”
“Are you really alright?”
“Are you sure you are not scared?”

My family & friends keep telling me those words especially whenever I say: “I AM OK”

I keep telling them that I am fine, being sick and having brain tumors really doesn’t make me feel sad, I am not scared (not a bit), etc.

No, I don’t really find it irritating because I understand the reason they are saying those words. Those are their TLC (tender loving care).

I wrote this on October 17, 2004:

“She (Tita Angie) asked me what I really feel daw. I told her, "tanggap ko" (“I accept it”). I’m not trying to hide my feelings. Whatever I'm showing, ‘yun na ‘yon (that’s it). Why should I cry? Why should I get lonely? Ano magagawa non dba?! (What can it do, right?!) I shouldn't stop living life the way i want it to be just because I’m sick. Lalo lang ako magkakasakit (The more will I get sick) like depression or something.

There’s a reason behind all these. I know there is. O diba?! (Right?!) Is this really me?! I'm not just showing you that I'm a strong person even though I’m really scared. I need to be strong, but I’m not really that scared. Ganito lang talaga ako. (This is really how I am) Even in the hardest situations, I still try to look on the positive side of things. Even if it's isn't visible, I will really find it. 

Hindi ako nagpapaka-manhid (I’m not being numb). This is how I am. This is how I take it. Smile nalang (just smile). I don't really want people's pity, though I’m really touched whenever someone comforts me or lets me feel their concern. As in! Promise. But you don't really have to think about it a lot of times and be bothered by it. Sige na nga, alam ko na hindi niyo naman mapipigilan mag-worry kaya (Okay, I know that you can’t really stop being worried, so) THANK YOU.”

 And then on November 19, 2004

“My mom and I went to PGH this morning to meet with the chairman of neurosciences, Dr. Willy Lopez, for a second opinion. Well, I really need to undergo surgery. Maybe in 2 weeks.. 3 weeks.. I’m not sure but I think it's gonna be within this year which is in less than 2 months.. Hay-ay-ay! Hehe!”

At one look on my MRI plates (When we barged his office. Haha.), he knew that it was NF2 at once.

We visited Dr. Lopez’ clinic the following week and then he became my doctor and took care of me since then.

Ever since then, a lot of thing had happened. Good things. Bad thing. Problems. Pain. Struggles. Triumphs. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Like you and most people, I also felt like I was pushed flat on the ground, everything's seems wrong and I can't do anything about it, but I chose to stand up and move, Little by little, with all of my might, no matter how little it is. I’ve fought, I’m still fighting and I’ll always be fighting through life.

While tapping my head, my mom said, “You are so blessed!”

And because I keep moving and fighting, the blessings that I’ve been receiving are my reward. So, the bigger the battle that we’ll conquer, the bigger the reward.

And I am very grateful because God put me in this kind of battle; a battle that HE is a part of.

Cheers to 13 years of living an AWESOME LIFE despite of battling with NF!

Those are tumors. Blue and green are the colors of NF. 13 years. And 13 is also my favorite number.

Do not be afraid. Keep going. Never give up.

People often ask me for advice about life and stuff but I’m not too keen on giving advice because I don’t really think I really know the right words to say. Instead, I share what I can from my own personal experiences. Everything I say is based on a true story — my story.

From time to time, I get to talk with different friends who are all going through the same things in life: feeling lost, hopelessness, losing faith frustrations, scared of facing what tomorrow might bring, problems, etc. etc. etc.

Here are some of the words I said to my friends that I believe are too good not to share:

KCAT CAN: Life Must Go On

LIFE MUST GO ON

It seemed like the world is moving too fast and I wanted it to stop, or at least slow down, so that I could keep up. I wanted the time to wait for me. Then I realized, life goes on, and I have to live with it.

Before my health deteriorated in 2005, I was fond of going out with my friends, love ones and even by myself. I was a very outgoing type of person as they say, enjoying life to the fullest. This is one of the reasons why I didn’t feel bitter about life when I became sick because I was still able to enjoy many things whenever I can. Most of my friends and family rely on me in terms of choosing and planning where and when to go, and what to do. They even tagged me as the promotor or pasimuno. But then I got so sick and weak, I was not able to go out like I used to. Or so I thought and I was wrong!

KCAT CAN: Random

The topic of this column was inspired by the randomness of my gorgeous frootie college friends.. :P

Life is varied, colorful, and full of surprises. How we wish that it would always be as sweet as honey, for ourselves and for our loved ones; but well, it will never be like that. Nonetheless, no matter how spicy, salty, sour, or bitter life may taste, it is always good to remember that your existence matters, so better get moving and move forward with your life. Go Go Go!

Random
by Maria Kathrina Lopez Yarza 
February 6, 2012

NF2 changed my life in a moment.. ;P

Thanks to Ate Berry for encouraging me to join Nuffnang's Goldilocks contest. She even mentioned me on her blog entry..



here's my entry: PAGBABAGO

Wish me luck! :)

I, You & We are not an accident

My friend Daniel sent me these 2 Bible verses to me on Facebook today.. Share ko din.. :D

"Before I shaped you in the womb,

I knew all about you.

Before you saw the light of day,

I had holy plans for you"

JEREMIAH 1:5

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

JEREMIAH 29:11

Today is Friday the 13th

I was born on the night of May 13, Friday with zero respiration. Bad luck? Of course not! That day was full of good luck & blessings.. Because..

A Time for Everything

I got this email from my new found friend Jen (c/o Abhie), share ko rin..

What is your definition of LIFE?

I got this from Delanna, my NF friend in the U.S.. This was posted on her wall on facebook.. Share ko lang..

Yummy!

Masarap Mabuhay, TIKMAN MO!

Waaaah! Pati ba naman life, pagkain pa rin? hahaha! I think life can be compared to food.. You won't know it's delicious unless you taste it.. parang life, you won't know it's great if you won't live it.. We all have life, but are we really living with it? MA-BUHAY! hahaha!

I CAN. YOU CAN. WE CAN.

this was made by my friend Armin Cruz.. thanks Armin!

Huwag tayong mangamba

This video made by Kuya Sandi for all of us.. Thanks! Thanks!

I don't want a time machine

This episode of 1 Liter of Tears was aired today on GMA.. I was really waiting for this episode where she wanted to make a time machine, because I want to blog something related to it.. ^__^

While I was watching that part when Aya said she wanted a time machine.. I asked myself if did I ever wanted a time machine too? Actually, I haven't really thought about that.. That was the first time. And my answer is NO. Let's say there's really a time machine, of course a lot of people would want to get in there and go back to the past to correct the mistakes they have done, to make life better. To do the 'what ifs' & 'shoulda woulda coulda'. As for me, I'll just walk near it and take a closer look. Just like what I told Mr. Cruz when he asked me that 'time machine question', I'll just pose & take a picture with it, with matching peace sign pa! Haha! I'll also say goodbye and wish the passengers good luck.. Hehe.

I CAN (song & video)

my latest AVP! but not the pic.. i used the song Armin composed for me..