Monday, November 17, 2014

Living in pain but living a beautiful and awesome life!

I often have sudden nerve pain on my head; but I still feel so blessed because before I can even react and say “ouch”, it’s already gone. That happens every 20 minutes and lasts for an hour or even the whole day, but each prick/pain is only a second or less.

Headaches are becoming frequent these days, as in almost everyday; but I still feel so blessed because all the pain I’m feeling are always tolerable.

image from google
A few days ago, I realized that I’ve been feeling these symptoms since early this year and I could easily ignore it then since I don’t know what's causing it yet. If you have NF or any other sickness/disorder, pain is part life. Sad but true.

But once you know what’s causing these symptoms to happen, it’s really hard to ignore it. I told my mom about it and explained that it’s like when you don’t know someone, you can easily ignore him/her, But once you get to know him/her, it’s impossible not to notice him/her whenever you see that person.

That “him/her” are the bad tumors inside my head. I use to think that all these pain are because I have NF and it’s just “normal”, which is why I don’t give much attention to it. Yes, pain is “normal” with NF whether we like it or not. Okay. Fine. Deadma ka nalang and I don’t wanna let that pain hinder me from the things I’m doing and will be doing. But lately, it’s hard to do the “deadma thing” coz I know the culprit behind it and I just can’t ignore it.

I have learned from our CLE (Christian Living Education) class in high school that the 6th commandment, “Thou shalt not kill” also means that we should take care of ourselves, drink medicine when we need to, do everything in order to “get better” from sickness or pain because if we are neglecting ourselves, it’s like killing yourself, right? Yes it’s not suicide but still.. It’s still up to you though. That’s just what I chose believe and the reason why I really really want to have that treatment (Stereotactic Radiation Therapy) to kill these bad tumors. Better those tumors dead than me. Haha. (Wag seryosohin please :P)

I just look like I’m sick since I’m on a wheelchair, have a weird eye, can’t smile, etc. and according to my MRI and CT Scan results, my head is full of tumors and it’s not okay. But I am fine! Really. I still feel great, promise. The pain I’m feeling right now is nothing compared to the pain I felt before. As in.This is why I still feel so blessed; really, really blessed. Period. No erase. LOL.

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