Monday, November 7, 2016

Our scars will make us a stronger person.

I was reminded of the word “scarface” and then I giggled and immediately wrote this on my Facebook wall:


And then my Malaysian friend, YL shared with me something Keisha wrote about dealing with NF2 and surgery scars, this was from her last public speech before she passed away in 2014 and here it is:

"I have a genetic condition called NF2. Basically, tumors grow throughout my nervous system, and every time I have sought treatment, I come out of the operating room with a new scar - a souvenir to remind me of a hard-fought battle for survival.

I do not see reason to consider these scars a disfigurement of my body. Rather, I choose to see them a testament of how trials and adversity can unite the human spirit. Out of tragedy, my family, doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, caregivers and friends have united time and again to shine forth with the ultimate good within humankind. This is the story behind each and every scar on my body - of a unity of care and love turning tragedy into triumph.

In overcoming danger and earning the scars, I have found true strength, true character true faith and true love."

—Keisha Petrus (1989-2014)

Though I wasn’t able to meet Keisha when she was still alive, it's like I already did and I’m so inspired by her. Thanks to YL that I got to read her previous writings.

“My duels with NF2 have left me scarred, wheelchair bound and deaf! As bleak as that sounds, my life doesn’t revolve around the hospital. I have never let NF2 stop me from living my life. To the contrary, I have allowed my condition to provide me opportunities to broaden my horizons, challenge my faith and test my character. So instead of wallowing in self-pity, I embrace adversity to bring out the best in me and overcome the obstacles in my life. Thanks to my condition, I’ve been able to experience the world in a way few people get to see. The fragility of life inspires me to live to the fullest."
— Keisha Petrus (1989-2014)

It’s so amazing that we have the same outlook in life. WOW. WOW. WOW.



While I was about to write this blog post, YL commented on the status that I posted in Facebook with Keisha’s peice. 

Maybe, God eavesdropped on what I was thinking again and HE learned about the topic I’m planning to write & asked Keisha to whisper to YL for him to share that certain writing / speech that she wrote back in April 2014 that I posted above.

I also love this poem written by Keisha:

I Am Wearin' My Skin
Poem by Keisha Petrus

My message stands tall with pride and grace, 
My words in good time shall be like wind, 
Brace yourself dear friend, let the breeze propel you, 
Trust in my mission, and you will be free to live life’s embrace.

I once was swayed by aesthetic charm, 
Beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, beautiful body, 
I sweat, I sought, I fought, 
To no avail did I reach my Envy.

Lost a few pounds, strapped on my heels, 
No more laughter, no more tears.
But my heart knew better, I lacked content, 
I yearned, I cried, I prayed for something more than this.

My pleas were answered, my life put in perspective, 
Those blossoming belles bore nothing, 
Instead engrossed in hopeless insecurity, indeed highly defective, 
A hidden image behind a mirror, a roamer’s reflection.

Loving myself is more important than ridding my blemishes, 
As women come in many shapes and sizes.
I spend my time now in helping others, 
I am wearin’ my skin, no more empty and foolish disguises.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Today should be my 11th birthday. Haha.

October 25, 2005 — it’s my Tita Myrna’s (aunt & godmother) birthday. I was supposed to went upstairs and use the computer to send her an email and greet her a happy birthday but then I suddenly felt very dizzy (servere vertigo) and I can't climb the stairs Vertigo + Severe headache = I passed out and became unconscious..... then DOT DOT DOT


I was brought to and admitted at Philippine General Hospital. Thant was the start of my 2-month long hospital stay when my health deteriorated and became weaker and weaker. 11 years ago. Everyone thought I won’t be able to survive. Everyone, including the doctors and nurses. About to die, maybe? It’s so amazing that from being bedridden and very weak, I feel so great and stronger.

I may still be in this condition with a lot of limitations, but still. No need to explain further, instead I’ll let my life explain it to you..everyday..as long as the clock is ticking.

Today should be my 11th birthday. Haha.

October 25, 2005 — it’s my Tita Myrna’s (aunt & godmother) birthday. Upon waking up, I sent her a birthday greeting via email and then DOT DOT DOT ……


I was brought to and admitted at Philippine General Hospital. Thant was the start of my 2-month long hospital stay when my health deteriorated and became weaker and weaker. 11 years ago. Everyone thought I won’t be able to survive. Everyone, including the doctors and nurses. About to die, maybe? It’s so amazing that from being bedridden and very weak, I feel so great and stronger.

I may still be in this condition with a lot of limitations, but still. No need to explain further, instead I’ll let my life explain it to you..everyday..as long as the clock is ticking.

Monday, October 17, 2016

KCAT CAN eBook? Yes.

Wanna read this book on your reading devices or your computer? YOU CAN!
You can buy KCAT CAN: I have a pen that writes in eBook (PDF) format for $10 and pay via PayPal.

PayPal email:
kcatyarza@yahoo.com

ORDER HERE

You can also send an email to me@kcatyarza.com

Let’s inspire each other!

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I dunno what title to put, it's just so amazing!

Last Friday, while I was waiting to be prayed over by Fr. Joey Faller after the healing mass, something suddenly pop out of my mind that made me say, “Thank you, thank you so very much, Lord.” I kept on thanking God until it was already my turn & Fr. Joey placed his hand over my head.

Back in late 2005, when I was confined in the hospital for 2 month and my health deteriorated. Most of you know that I became so weak then. Very very weak. It was really hard to move on my own. Even when I want to roll on the bed and change my sleeping position, someone has to do it for me.

Back then, I would often close my eyes and imagine myself getting better and kept telling God. “Please heal me. Please. Please. Please. If You do, I promise to pay You back by sharing your words through my own words , with my own life."

***TEARS OF JOY***

 I was discharged from the hospital but even if I am already home, I still kept pleading to God especially when I had an anxiety attack in Holy Week 2006.

And then last Friday, I just realized that God has been answering me since the day after Holy Week 2006.  

I keep on stopping while writing this because it’s just so amazing! I feel like crying and thanks Him again for not letting me cry coz I might hyperventilate. I even don’t feel like there’s a lump on my throat. Thank you, thank you Lord.

And wait, there’s more!

During a conversation with someone, I got to remember this…


 AMAZING! AMAZING! AMAZING! I don’t know what else to say. It is really so amazing!!!

And now, God made my words to Him when I was lying in the hospital bed in 2005 become a reality. ANG GALING GALING TALAGA!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

NF Amici (NF Friends)


Sunday is family day & I spent the 1st Sunday of August with some of my NFF family.


I’ve been meaning to invite these friends for a meal and thank God, I was able to make it happen. I often chat and talk with them; some I even talk to almost 24/7. They even accompany me and won’t leave me behind online whenever I’m all by myself at home (binabantayan daw ako) and I’m super touched. While they would often tell me me how I’ve helped and inspired them, they helped and inspire me as well. They often make me smile and laugh too.



Last Sunday I met up with my NF friends for a pizza & pasta lunch date at Amici in Megamall. Good food + Great Friends = Awesome!

  

   

 

After showing off my head (sira ulo hahaha) and how my left fingers and my left foot moves, I discovered a new improvement with my left foot. Those improvements may only seem trivial, but it really means a lot. Showing-off my the “my tricks” is my way of telling people that I really can’t but I CAN, so whatever you are going through, never give up. As long as you try, YOU CAN do it too. I’ll make a separate post about this…soon.


Amici means friends in Italian. We are NF Amici!


Sunday, July 24, 2016

It's bcoz... WHY NOT?!

Why am I so strong? Why am I so brave? Why am I still a happy & cheerful person despite the not so good things that's happening in my life? Why am I so confident about myself? Why am I able to laugh at myself? Why am I full of positivity? Why do I find it easy to move on with my life?

Why? Why? Why?

Ever since whenever (even before I was diagnosed with NF2 in 2004), I often encounter these questions and people would complement how brave and strong I am and that I have a very a positive outlook towards life.

While smiling, I would alwaya answer: “Ganon talaga.” Or “Why not?” Haha.

Now I realize that my Faith has been working since then. Faith in myself, Faith in others and of course, Faith in GOD.

And now I totally get it, this is the reason why I have a very big and very strong FAITH today. Wow. Wow. Wow. Thank you Lord!


• I am strong because God is the strongest.

• I am brave because God is at my back, in front of me, my left-side and right-side, above me and below me. He is all over me, protecting me.

• I always feel so good because God is so great. He is the greatest!

• I am able to face these challenges because I am not doing it alone. I am surrounded with awesome people and of course, an awesome God.

• I am always ready because God already prepared me before I was born.

• I am a fighter because God is with me in all of my battles.

• I am a cheerful person because God is always making me happy!

• Amazing things are happening in my life because an amazing God is doing it.

Indeed. EVERYTHING HAS A REASON.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Cranial Surgery: Success! It was double the awesomeness!

“Lord, please continue doing amazing things in my life. I don’t think I need to tell YOU to make my surgery a success because it will be successful like always, thanks to You!”



I’ve been telling those words to God everyday until I was waiting in the surgery suite, waiting to be transferred in the operating room.

Looks can be deceiving. It's not as painful as it looks

June 17, 2016, 7 am. After a couple of minutes waiting in the surgery suite, I was brought to operating room number 10. This is it! When I already felt like I was about to doze off from being sedated, the last thing in my mind was, “Lord, Ikaw na po ang bahala ha.” (Lord, it’s all up to You)


Before entering the Surgery Suite
And then I woke up. I was in the surgery suite again. The operation was done and I already knew that it was a success. It felt like I had a really good, deep and long sleep. I was asleep for almost 10 hours, that’s why. The surgery took that long huh? It was not only a tumor excision, reconstructive surgery and tarsorrhaphy were also done. Titanium mesh was placed and my right eye lids were partially and temporarily stitched together in order to protect it.


While I was looking at the exit sign in the waiting room (surgery suite) before the operation, I told myself, “Later, after this operation, I will have a clearer vision and that signage will not be too bright and cloudy anymore.” And I was right, the exit sign was clearer!

When they wheeled me out from the surgery suite, I thought I’ll be brought to the ICU and I was so surprised when they wheeled me back to my room instead. I was feeling very fine. It really felt like I just slept in the operating room. No ICU stay? Wow! This is the first.

Nothing was painful. My head was not feeling heavy. I didn’t feel any discomfort. I was as talkative as always. After a few hours or minutes, I asked my mom to give me my mobile phone so that I can see how I look like and then I clicked the camera and took a selfie before sleeping.

Hours after the operation. I was very much okay. I took that selfie by myself. :)

It was a sleeping galore. I didn’t felt like I got weaker, I kept on sleeping so that I won’t think of eating coz it’s NPO (Nil Per Os - nothing by mouth) for me. Haha. My red blood cells were low so I had blood transfusion while I was doing my sleeping escapade.

The following day, I was already on a liquid diet (YES!!!!), soft diet the next day and 3 days after the surgery, I was already back on a regular diet!

With my neurosurgeon, Dr. Willy Lopez

My taste buds, chewing & swallowing didn’t change. I already had a lot of major surgeries and it usually happens but not this time. I had numerous mouth ulcers and even sore throat after a major surgery and I’m so used to it but it didn’t occur this time. I didn’t get a bit weaker. Nothing changed.

Selfie!!!!

The only thing that needs to recover are the scars on my head. So I told myself that when the staple wires on my head are removed, it means I have fully recovered. But I never expected it to happen this fast. 1 week and 4 days after my operation, we went to my neurosurgeon’s clinic for a check-up. We thought that he’ll only remove the stitches on my eyelids, but he removed all the staple wires on my head as well. Wow. It’s already healed. Speedy recovery it is!

Dressing of the wound at home. I was discharged from the hospital 5 days after the operation
My surgery last April 11, 2016 was so amazing and I never thought that greater things are going to happen. Amazing! Amazing! Amazing! Because God is in control, amazing things keeps happening in my life and it gets more and more amazing!

Please don’t idolized me, I am not the one who is doing all these amazing things in my life. Believe me God is really taking over my life. I am not in control, I am God’s instrument. I am letting Him use me. This is all His doing, I don’t want to take all the credit for it.

I am strong because God is the strongest.

I am brave because God is at my back, in front of me, my left-side and right-side, above and below. He is all over me, protecting me.

I always feel so good because God is so great. He is the greatest!

I am able to face these challenges because I am not doing it alone. I am surrounded with awesome people and of course, an awesome God.

I am always ready because God already prepared me before I was born.

I am a fighter because God is with me in all of my battles.

I am a cheerful person because God is always making me happy!

Amazing things are happening in my life because an amazing God is doing it.

"How do you combat all the challenges in your life?This is a question that I often encounter. I always say that my biggest weapon is my faith in God and faith in myself.I have realized though that my faith in people is also important, especially those who are part of my life……”(Excerpt from Being Ready (April 11, 2011)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for paying with me. Thank you for all your love and support. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for letting God use you and become His instrument to help me. Thank you for being one of my blessings. Thank you mother, father, sister & brother. Thank you Dr. Willy Lopez and the medical team. THANK YOU!!!

“God also knows that we need people to help us and to guide us. He sends mortals from different walks of life to help us in many ways and means. He is so able to show His power and might in doing His part.”

From now on, I will go back to focusing on improving my health and I am claiming that a big improvement will happen to me before the year ends.

When I become better, God can make use of me more!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
Neurofibromatosis is a continuing battle not knowing when another tumor will show up and cause me harm but I am not backing out. I will keep on fighting! God is bigger and stronger than NF!


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